May 9, 2013
Way back when, we wrote the lyrics for a song called Dear Joseph in exchange for a polka dot scarf. We’re very excited to tell you it’s now been recorded and is about to be launched! Co-written and produced by Peter Joseph Head and sung by Evelyn Ida Morris from Pikelet, you can hear it here. And here are the lyrics so you can sing along…
Dear Joseph, do you remember me? / We were side by side on Tiger to Sydney / You were scared of flying / I felt sorry for you / But when you started chatting / I ducked behind my Paris Review / O Joseph / You kind of lost it in a sense / O Joseph / When we hit that turbulence / I’m a reading girl, you’re a chatting guy / I tried my best but I ain’t gonna lie / I’ve never been to Crown or a sale at a DFO / When we landed I had to google Costco / I was glad to disembark / Glad to get away / Maybe it’s me who loses out / When I keep others at bay.
Category: Non-letters, Other
Tags: scarf, song
March 22, 2013
Dear Guy,
Do you ever feel like life is too banal? Like we respond to things in a way that is just so foreseeable that life has lost all meaning? That our existence has no sense of surprise?
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Category: Correspondence, Letters, Other
Tags: dogs, goodbye, life, stealing, surprises
March 22, 2013
Dear Steve
Team building. How does it make you feel? I know, I know, it can feel forced and naff and awkward BUT it can also be a cool way to learn some crazy arse skills you wouldn’t dream of learning otherwise. Like semaphore flag signalling, for example. Or hula hooping. Or writing a rap song.
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: advice, love, matchmaking, rap songs, team building, work
March 18, 2013
Dear Zoo
Colours do not always represent status. In grade three I was in a maths groups called the Blue Whales and my friend was in a maths group called the Red Starfish. Because both blue and red are top-shelf colours with no inherent value attached to them – and because whales and starfish each have their own wonderful and unique attributes – my friend and I didn’t know which group was the top group and therefore which one of us was smarter at maths. So I get it, colours do not always represent status. Except when they do.
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: bad service, complaint, dress
December 13, 2012
Dear Matt Damon,
For quite a while now I’ve had an inkling you’re one of the good guys. When you and Ben Affleck won that Oscar and you gave a shout-out to your dad about how your seat was better than Jack Nicholson’s, that cracked me up. And your impression of Matthew McConaughey always angling to take off his shirt – classic. And when you were crowned the Sexiest Man Alive and said that thing about being an ‘aging suburban dad’ – super sweet. So you see, even though you’re a total stranger who lives a million miles away (figuratively, if not literally) my impression of you has always been, ‘That Matt Damon, what a great guy.’ Which is why I was thrilled but not surprised to hear about your upcoming film Promised Land.
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: celebrity, coal, environment, film, help
September 17, 2012
The letter request:
Donna, my best friend’s wife, always says something nasty/creepy/passive aggressive to me every time we socialise. Recently, at a friend’s party, she cornered me and started talking about golf – about going on vacation to play golf, about how cute her little girls are when the play golf, about how her little boys fight when they play golf… She has three subjects she talks about: doctor things (she’s a physician), at which time she uses really big terms so if you’re not a doctor you won’t understand what she’s talking about; golf, which bores me to tears; and her kids. So I came up with a plan (big mistake). I purchased a couple of books on cocktail party conversation, and a magazine subscription called Mental Floss, and suggested we meet to devise a plan where we could talk about things worldly and not about golf (did I mention I hate golf?) as a way to connect with each other on a more personal/friendly level. I sent her a text message. No response.
The letter:
Dear Donna,
So the other day I was reading an article in the New York Times that made me pause and think. It was about conversation and one particular sentiment leapt out at me: ‘In conversation, we are called upon to see things from another’s point of view.’
If this is indeed true, this is how I see your world after a conversation with you: You’re a committed medical practitioner who enjoys playing golf and adores her children more than life itself. True? Win!
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: advice, complaint, conversation, friend, husband
April 20, 2012
To the Publican at the Spinifex Hotel,
You can’t deny that supermarket aisles are the true unsung heroes of the supermarket. People rave about variety and price but where would they be without those quiet and unassuming patches of linoleum between the shelves? Without aisles, how would they see the produce? How would they access their favourite box of muesli bars and their preferred brand of cheese?
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: advice, complaint, dance
April 20, 2012
The letter request:
So, I adored my old phone number. I’d loved and cherished it since 2000. My number’s finest quality was that I could remember it. Yet I was also attached to the journey associated with it. So, I was forced to give up my cherished phone number in an untimely manner – circa mid 2010 - by the combined incompetencies of Telstra and Virgin. Now the phone number formerly known as mine, has a new owner. From slow-drip accounts: a “young person”, “a girl, or a preadolescent teenage boy I guess”. I know this because I failed to uniformly tell anyone much about my change in number. If you were in my orbit at the time, you figured it out. But in the last few months reports have started to trickle in, as people who haven’t called me in the last year and a half try to pin me down.
The letter:
Hi! Is that Amanda?
Jokes, jokes, I know you’re not Amanda. I’m Amanda.
But I’ve called 0414 xxx 051, right?
Jokes, jokes, this is a letter not a phone call. I’m not crazy. I thought I’d write, rather than call, because I know you’re up to here with people calling you and asking for Amanda, so please let me explain.
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: lost, love, numbers, sorry
February 29, 2012
Dear Potahter,
‘Counterfactual thinking’ is the human tendency to ponder what if… or if only…
For example, someone might think to herself ‘If only I’d made a speech at my sister’s 21st, she would know exactly how awesome I think she is.’
Or, ‘What if I’d had the foresight to go to Toastmasters every week for a year leading up to Potahter’s 21st birthday and I suddenly loved the spotlight so much that I not only did a speech, but also an interpretative dance to demonstrate how much fun we’ve had together over the years?’
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: family, how to, if only, sister, sorry, what if
December 19, 2011
The letter request:
I have been working as an artist for 18 years (theatre, writing, movement, performance, even (short) film) and yet, why do I feel like I am going nowhere? Or in fact, needing to go somewhere? Where is the place I am going? Does it exist? How can I make a living as an artist? I often feel lost.
The letter:
Dear Amaara,
Everyone has a story. In fact, everyone has multiple stories. Some stories play out in the real world and some play out in our minds. I don’t mean that as in, ‘In my mind, the universal acclaim of my art affords me a lifestyle where the word Centrelink has no meaning to me whatsoever, and I can travel the world and never have to worry about how I’m going to pay next month’s rent and, oh yeah, I’m married to Michael Fassbender and our sex life is OUT OF THIS WORLD and on top of that he totally loves making me tacos and doing the dishes and ironing my expensive frocks and, guess what, he knows all the right settings on the iron so the fabric never ever burns.’
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Category: Correspondence, Letters
Tags: advice, friend, inspiration, starving artist
