How to woo a pretty circus girl
July 7, 2009
1. First things first: You Are Interesting. As if that’s even debatable. How many people know where to source a tin monkey on a tricycle let alone think to send it to someone via snail mail? Hold this knowledge tight in your fist and keep your head high.
2. Pretend that you are already friends. If you and Carmel are already friends pretend you’re even better friends, like, besties. This might sound hard but it really helps. Delusion can be an ally.
3. Start mid-conversation. Sometimes knowing where to start a conversation can be hard; starting in the middle can make it flow better. When we don’t know someone very well we get caught up in the details: she doesn’t need to know that you learnt to knit on a curriculum day in grade 5 when your mum left you and your brother with your Nanna’s sister and she didn’t have a television. This is what’s known in the biz as ‘clearing one’s throat.’ Avoid this, be brave, jump right in and tell her what you’re knitting in the here and now. (NB. Adapt to suit the occasion–if you don’t knit, this example could work against you.)
4. Pretend you’re the one in a silent film; be super-conscious of your body language. Being evasive or ignoring someone we fancy is pretty common but we don’t have to give in to it. Once we know our tendencies we can work on fixing them, i.e. if you notice you’re avoiding eye contact then dare yourself to look her in the eye. Make it a game.
5. Be enthusiastic. Passionate people like passionate people. It doesn’t matter whether your passion is for circus or zombies. Carmel will notice your ZING!
6. Take this friendship on an excursion. We can see someone in the same place every day for ten years and the relationship won’t progress an inch and then, suddenly, half an hour stuck together in a lift and seismic changes occur. Carmel complains that her hamstring is a little sore after the trapeze? Invite her to your favourite new yoga class for some extra limbering. She mentions her truck is a little drafty? Invite her over to sew some draft stoppers! Here’s a pattern and some instructions.
7. Alcohol is your friend. Not many people fall for a drunkard but a glass of wine can go a long way. We’re not talking a hip flask at circus class but if there’s any possibility of heading to a bar with her after class, go for it. Wine lubricates the lips and tongue area and thus adds fluidity to conversation.
8. Flirt. ‘I’m Keen’ signals include touching, making eye contact, saying their name at regular intervals (though don’t overdo this–freaky), sitting that little bit closer together. That’s not too hard eh? Get to it! Or if touchy-feely ain’t your thing you could try some Buster Keaton slapstick: don a pork-pie hat and some flowers and woo in silent film style.
9. Chant quietly to yourself, ‘Rejection isn’t nuclear war’. The absolute worst thing that can happen with this love-crush is that she rejects you. While we think this is extremely unlikely, if she did turn you down, in some bizarre, incomprehensible act of stupidity, chances are it wouldn’t be dramatic. It would be quiet and subtle and your heart would ache for a while, your ego would bruise but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Fear of rejection is an enemy so try to push it away.
10. Alcohol is your friend. If all else fails take that hip flask to circus class.
Comments