February 14, 2010
Dear Ned, my Beloved Valentine,
Happy YOU Day!
As you read this, imagine me nuzzled in real close beside you. Maybe you’ve got your arm around me and I’m kinda nestled against your sturdy Irish chest all nice and snug like. Yeah, that’s it, that feels real cosy. Now, imagine my elbow, the one closest to you, imagine it digging into your lower ribs. Not so that it hurts – no way I would never hurt you on YOU Day – but just so it gently presses against your flesh in the sweetest way. Feel that? That’s called a nudge.
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February 14, 2010
Dear Girls Far and Wide,
This letter is one of commiseration and is in no way intended to be a declaration of triumph. I write because I genuinely feel for you. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because my heart aches for the girls of Australia. The girls of Canada. The girls of France. Indonesia. All of South East Asia. The girls of every single country that has at some point hosted Jonathan. Girls who could have sat next to him on a bus, got chatting, exchanged numbers, one thing leading to another… Girls who could have been his best mate’s pretty cousin for whom he had the hots. Girls who could have worked in the same office as him and pashed him in the photocopy room at the Christmas party.
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February 12, 2010
Dear Aaron’s Audi,
Will you be our Valentine?
Last year on St Valentine’s Day you were quite new on the scene and I think we forgot to celebrate. We were in that heady stage of lust, I believe they call it the ‘honeymoon’ phase.
If I’m honest, it wasn’t all roses and violins for me. While Aaron was in love with you immediately I myself was a little wary. I’ve shared him with other loves before. I’ve shared him with houses, jet skis and television programs about Kombi restoration. Hell, I’ve even shared him with the ironing. But somehow this is different. When Aaron fell for you he fell hard.
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