Make kissing your sport
August 13, 2010
A fact sheet on how to be 22
Travel. Enough said.
Use eye cream. Doesn’t need to be expensive, just a little something to keep the skin around your peepers youthful. You could probably just use avocado or something.
Make kissing your sport. The pickings get slimmer with each birthday so, if you’re single, date heaps of people now! As many as you can. Why are you even reading this? You should be out on a date!
Don’t get a dog. Unless your parents want a dog cos that’s where it will end up. Or the pound and we’ve spoken to the pound and they have enough thanks.
Dump losers like hot potatoes. This counts for friends and lovers both. Be honest with yourself about why you’re spending time with someone. Don’t waste even a minute with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself/doesn’t love you properly/is jealous of you/kicks your dog. You always know deep down when someone is bad news.
You have plenty of time. If you think you’d like to be a doctor/florist/pilot/lawyer but the idea of going back to school for years is daunting just do it anyway. You might feel old but you’re actually just at the beginning.
Same goes for learning languages – start now.
Sleep when you die. Technically you should not need a good nights’ sleep until you are 25. You have three years left of burning the candle at both ends and getting away with it.
Eat nutritious food. Green smoothies preferably. Half leafy greens, half fruit (so says our man in the know). A little water and blend. Being healthy is important at any age and it gives you more leeway with the no-sleep thing.
Yoga = good boobs. Serious that. Yoga is like nature’s version of a boob job. Start now and you will have great boobs for life.
Pretend to be a journalist. Interview lots of people on how they live so you can get some tips. Try as many different things as you can.
Move out of home. C’mon dude! I know it’s cheaper to live with your folks but experience-wise you are starving yourself. Everyone must live with at least one person who steals their food, one person who masturbates in the lounge room and one person who has loud sex with the door open. It makes you appreciate your own home more when you finally don’t have to house-share.
Save some money for a rainy day. Last weekend my little brother and his friends drove into a creek and wrote off the car, a laptop and two mobiles. Rainy days can be really expensive. That said, don’t be blinkered by saving money at the cost of experiences. Travel and Study are an investment.
Work (at most) a four-day week. If your day job is not your dream job you should never work more than four days a week. You need at least one non-weekend day per week to discover what you really love to do. Use that day to study, volunteer, read, write, run an underground night club, install papier-mâché sculptures of Angkor Wat, macramé owls.
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