Crack whore Stacey

The letter request:

Could you write a letter that, in the nicest way possible, will convince my partner to ship our little family back to Melbourne or at least somewhere with trees… 

 

The letter:

Dear Stevie,

I have a lot of time for Carole King. And ‘Where You Lead’ would have to be my absolute favourite of her songs. I tell you love, when she sings, I would go to the ends of the earth cause, darling, to me that’s you’re worth I get all jittery because that is exactly how I feel about you. I would go anywhere for you.

I know you have a penchant for the desert. All that direct sunlight is not so great for my complexion so I probably wouldn’t go there but other than that, anywhere. When Carole sings, If you want to live in New York city, honey, you know I will, I can really relate. I mean, if you wanna go to New York honey, just say the word and I will be packed before you can say ‘Do you think we should take the baby with us?’

We should probably dance to this song at our wedding because our relationship really was cemented when you followed me to Geelong. How many boys would follow their girlfriend to a town where you can’t walk up the street for a morning coffee without tripping over a teen-aged mum who has passed out drunk in the gutter with her jegging-clad legs blocking the footpath? That is true love. You uprooted your life and dog and quit your job so I could that pursue a job I hoped was ‘the one.’

But love, the job turned out to be shit and I accidentally got knocked up and we had this amazingly beautiful child and I have now realised that we are at the ends of the earth. And no amount of Carole King blasting through my iPod will help me to forget that it sure would be nice to live in a leafy suburb where my mum can pop by for a cuppa and my sisters and I can clog up hipster cafes with our prams.  

While I’d never wish misery and unemployment on you, it really does suck that you found a job you love and it happens to be in Geelong. I dunno which fella Carole was writing about when she penned that song but I doubt that he was even half as amazing as you are. And maybe she had to follow her man to the ends of the earth because he was so untalented that he couldn’t get work anywhere else?

You, on the other hand love, you’d get work anywhere. You know those leafy suburbs near my mum’s house? Well they would kill for a photographer, musician, all-round-gorgeous man in those parts. And if you don’t want to change jobs, I’d bet money that your current bosses would be so keen to keep you that they’d let you set up base in Melbourne. Just put it out there and see what they say!

Ahhh…Melbourne. Just think about all the babysitters we’d have in Melbourne. It would mean I’d have more time to kickstart my freelance work and bring home some bacon too. When Alexander is all grown up it would be nice to be able to drive down Maitland Street one Sunday and say, ‘See that cute little house? That’s where you spent the first six months of your life.’ Not, ‘Wave to the neighbour, honey! Crack Whore Stacey babysat you every day until you started school. You know that cigarette burn on your leg…’

If following someone somewhere is the way to demonstrate your love then you have well and truly done it. And if you had some place you really wanted us to be then I would happily do it too. But right now, as we linger in this place we’ve landed that we never really wanted to call home, I can’t not ask if you’ll do it again. Will you follow me back where we came from?

Love Laura xx