You HAD a bird called Drazic

The letter request:

I recently house sat for a friend and of course my cat came to stay too. The only problem is that my friend who I was house sitting for had a bird, and one day when I left the birds cage open my cat somehow managed to catch the bird whilst I was out of the room. My friend is going to be distraught when she finds out, and I thought it would ease the blow if I could give her an apology letter from my cat upon her return. Can you help me out?


The letter:

Dear Allee,

Let’s talk about what a great friend Sophie is to you. As her cat, I know I’m biased but all the same she IS pretty ace. Remember how you guys used to love watching Puberty Blues? Or how you went to Turkey together? Or what about the time you both stalked that boy? CLASSIC! So many happy memories of that ilk. SO MANY.

Hey, a thought just occurred to me: sometimes things can seem too good to be true, don’t you think? Sometimes things are so beautiful and perfect you have to pinch yourself over and over and over again just to be sure it’s really happening. But then you end up looking like Gwyneth Paltrow after she’s had a cupping massage and, from there, it’s a slippery dip down to trawling through the Goop archives looking for tips on how to truss a chicken while wearing a Calvin Klein slip dress.

So you see, sometimes it’s good to have a little bit of dark amongst all that light, know what I mean? Just as every cloud has a silver lining, every silver lining needs a little bit of cloud.

How’s this for a cloud: you went to Echuca for a mini-break with your BF (not the cloud) and Sophie, lovingly and selflessly, house-sat for you while you were away (not the cloud). She decided to bring me along for company (oh look, there’s a little whisp of cloud over there on the horizon). You have a bird called Drazic (cloud moving closer) – or, should I say, you HAD a bird called Drazic (cloud is directly above). One day Sophie, innocently and unintentionally, left Drazic’s cage open and I managed to catch him while she was out of the room. Cloud. Rain. Thunderstorm. Flood.

On behalf of myself, I want to say sorry. It was inexcusable and no way to treat a host. On behalf of Sophie, I want to say sorry again, and I truly hope it doesn’t affect your friendship which, keep in mind, is still beautiful and so very close to perfection. ‘Cept now there’s a little bit of cloud to offset all that silver lining.

Please forgive us,

Minou the Cat