The warm glow of knowing you’ve helped chickens

The letter request:

I want to write a letter to my local IGA to ask them to get more free range eggs in. Sometimes they have them but often they don’t and I’m left having a half an hour debate with myself in front of the egg section whether or not to buy the cage ones on a Saturday morning when I really want to go home and make eggs benedict.


The letter:

Dear IGA,

It gets hot in Death Valley National Park, Nevada, USA. Damn hot. So hot you could fry an egg and someone tried this recently. They posted a video of the experiment on You Tube and it went viral, leading to a spout of copycat egg-fryers testing the theory around the National Park until the rangers sent out a loud plea, Dudes! No More Frying Eggs in the Park! It’s getting MESSY!

It gets hot in Fitzroy Crossing too. I’ve got this patch of driveway that I think would be perfect for frying me some Sunday breakfast (sunny side up) only I ain’t got no eggs. That’s where you guys come in. Sometimes you stock organic, free-range eggs, sometimes you don’t. I happen to have an ethical barometer that prevents me from buying eggs from unhappy chooks. It’s a struggling barometer so I will confess to many hours spent staring at the non-free-range cartons in your supermarket, wondering if I should climb off my high horse and delight in the buttery goodness of hollandaise. But then I think of those caged, cramped hens with their beaks, wings and toes clipped, antibiotics and growth-promoter pumped into them and no access to daylight or pasture and it’s avocado on toast, again.

I’ve done a little survey and I’m not the only person wanting a reliable supply of organic free-range eggs (with a ‘Humane Choice’ logo) in this town. We know that eggs from ethically treated chooks cost more and we are willing to pay. I realise that, as you are the nearest supermarket for 260km, I can’t threaten to take my business elsewhere if you don’t meet my needs. I also can’t threaten to egg your house. So I’ll have to take a less hostile, more positive-reinforcement approach and promise you that, should you guarantee a regular supply of organic free-range eggs, you shall receive goodwill from the community and the warm glow of knowing you’ve helped chickens to live humanely.