To Whom It May Concern,
While our connection was only brief, I have a lot to say about the young Alexander Smith. First and foremost, he’s a looker. Bright eyes, big smile, hot body. I’m sure you’ve noticed all this by now if you’re reading this reference. If that is all you are looking for you really could do no better. If, on the other hand, you are looking for something more, say, a little honesty, integrity or kindness, then he is not your man.
Alex may have mentioned to you that he sometimes works as a clown? Hospitals, shopping centres, what have you. What he will not have disclosed is that his clowning permeates his being to the core. Alex loves to play.
Alex needs to be monitored at all times. While he sleeps check the messages on his phone, if he accidentally leaves his email account open, take a quick look for love letters to other girls. When he goes out with his mates, dress as a cat burglar and follow. When Alex tells you how he feels about you, assume he is lying. Unless of course he says, ‘I kind of like you but I’m also shagging several other girls,' then he is probably telling you the truth. Alex would be best suited to a girl who is suspicious and alert. Maybe someone with a background as a private investigator. If this is you, I highly recommend him. He is a very good kisser.
Yours Sincerely,
Christina
(NB. Names have been changed. We are too broke to be sued for defamation.)