Play tennis in the dark

The letter request:

We’d love you to craft a response to a complaint letter that a neighbour dropped around to everyone in our neighbourhood – about some new tennis court lights at the courts behind our houses. It’s really not a big deal. It’s a small tennis club run by volunteers. They’re running lessons at night and we reckon that ‘taking action’ and a petition is a little OTT. What we’d LOVE is a letter we could print and pop in everyone’s letterbox, just like he did. And the message is: Hey we’re all rich people living in one of the richest suburbs in Melbourne and we can probably take a deep breath and enjoy a bit of sports going on behind our houses. They also complain about the orange en-tout-cas dust from the courts.


The letter:

Dear neighbours,

We are hand delivering this to properties near the local tennis club. Like you, we received last week’s letter from our concerned neighbour and are truly excited by their initiative towards collective action. When groups of people come together amazing things can happen.

We recently heard from a friend of a friend in Toronto. Her neighbourhood has come together to sponsor a Syrian family to be resettled in Canada. A group of them chipped in what they could to reach $27K and – voila! – a Syrian family is on its way to having a positive, supported start in a new country.

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He’s pretty much taught her how to be a dog

The letter request: 

My neighbour is off on a roadtrip around Australia and I want him to leave me his dog, Harvey. My own dog, Shyla, and I have become quite attached to him. The dogs are always going under the fence to see each other. Also, Harvey teaches Shyla a lot and he is making her into a more confident dog. I’m willing to give visitation rights and I’m happy to send photo updates as well but ultimately I think his dog will be better off staying with me.


The letter:

Dear Guy,

Do you ever feel like life is too banal? Like we respond to things in a way that is just so foreseeable that life has lost all meaning? That our existence has no sense of surprise?

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Crack whore Stacey

The letter request:

Could you write a letter that, in the nicest way possible, will convince my partner to ship our little family back to Melbourne or at least somewhere with trees… 


The letter:

Dear Stevie,

I have a lot of time for Carole King. And ‘Where You Lead’ would have to be my absolute favourite of her songs. I tell you love, when she sings, I would go to the ends of the earth cause, darling, to me that’s you’re worth I get all jittery because that is exactly how I feel about you. I would go anywhere for you.

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Meet you by the water tank

The letter request:

We seriously found our dream rental today and we need the PERFECT letter to convince the agent to rent to us. Can you help?


The letter:

Dear 129 Parker Street,

Not sure if you remember us but we met yesterday? We’re Robby and Amy – tall, smiley guy and not-so-tall flame-haired Canadian lass? There were a lot of people … you may not have noticed us … it’s okay.

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Lubricate your eyeballs

The letter request:

I’ve just turned 25, I’ve never had a proper job in my life (i am not including cooking and barrista-ing for 4 years), I’m doing a doco course that i LOVE but that freaks me out (spending every day wondering am i good enough to even try to be a filmmaker?). I also do not have any skills, other than my cafe skills, that would help me support myself. So i need a letter that tells me it’s ok to be so utterly confused about life, money and career at the age of 25. oh and that i will, one day, meet a person to fall in love with! and that it’s not that I’m a complete weirdo, it’s just that i’m special.


The letter:

Dear Vessal,

Congratulations on recently turning 25 – wow! That’s awesome. It’s such a fantastic age to be. But also, I’m afraid, an age of robust introspection and rampant bewilderment. Some questions that may have flittered across your mind’s eye of late are sure to have included the following:

a) What am I doing with my life?
b) Do I have any prospect of succeeding in what I really want to be doing?
c) Am I good enough?
d) What is art?
e) Is art important? (as deemed by Nicole Kidman at the 2003 Academy Awards)
f) Should I explore back-up career options?
g) What am I doing with my life?

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