December 18, 2011
Dear Jeff Bezos, founder, president and CEO of Amazon.com,
Are you a fan of Meg Ryan? It’s okay if you’re not. She sells a certain type of cute that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. What about romantic comedies in general? I’m not talking Aniston or Heigl, god help us all, I’m talking the classics, like The Shop Around The Corner. It’s a 1940s film that sees two warring shop assistants ‘unexpectedly’ fall in love with each other as anonymous pen pals. Whacky, huh? Your local video shop will probably have it.
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October 8, 2011
This is from our dusty archives. In fact, we wrote it for the launch way back in those heady days of June 2009. It was a wintry day, we’d been to Kmart to buy new knickers for Jane and when we got home Penny mistook lavender for rosemary and put it on the pizza. Somewhere amongst all those shenagians we had time to consider life’s big questions and pen this fact sheet.
Your family: who you can and cannot marry – negotiating a potential minefield
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July 30, 2011
Dear Stevie,
I have a lot of time for Carole King. And ‘Where You Lead’ would have to be my absolute favourite of her songs. I tell you love, when she sings, I would go to the ends of the earth cause, darling, to me that’s you’re worth I get all jittery because that is exactly how I feel about you. I would go anywhere for you.
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June 16, 2011
Dear Charlie,
As the female in this friendship I have three primary obligations. One, to introduce you to my hot girlfriends. Two, to tease you when the women in your life suddenly realise you are the love of their life and fall at your feet. And three, to warn you when your life is dangerously close to becoming a romantic comedy.
Consider yourself warned.
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May 6, 2011
My dear Little Peanut,
You probably think it’s not possible to fall in love with somebody you’ve never met but I’m sorry to say you are wrong. Don’t feel bad – having just been born, there’s a whole heap of stuff you’re yet to learn. That’s where I come in, you see; I’m here to teach you.
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October 12, 2010
Dear Max,
On behalf of Lucy’s homeland, I just want to tell you how excited we are that you and Lucy are about to build a life together. You are the luckiest man in the world because Lucy is an absolute catch. As I’m sure you already know she is gorgeous, super smart, fun, a true friend, a fabulous cook, always up for frivolity and an expert in all things Lego.
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September 12, 2010
Dear Facebook Boy,
This confession is a strange one so, before reading, please be assured that I look nothing like Glenn Close and I don’t dig on boiled bunny.
My friend is getting married next month. Because girls tend to discuss the most minute details of life, I’ve been briefed on the seating plan for the wedding and apparently I’m sitting next to you. My friend says this is serendipitous because you are hot and single and we will hit it off.
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July 10, 2010
Dear Nate,
I want to tell you a story – some of it you already know, some of it you even helped write, some of it may come as a complete surprise (as it did to me) but stay with me, because I reckon there’s a chance of a happy ending.
This is the part you already know: We were together. We are no longer together.
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May 12, 2010
Dear Mel,
If we had super powers and could make stuff happen we would genetically engineer humans so that, when someone is emotionally available, their head lights up like a vacant taxi ready to drop you home. We’d then make it so, if they weren’t emotionally available, they’d glide by in the cover of darkness and you wouldn’t pay them a second glance. Maybe you wouldn’t even notice they were there at all.
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April 10, 2010
Dear Gillian,
There once was a Walking Piece of Art called Girl and a Kindred Spirit called Boy. Girl and Boy met long ago. So long ago that all other days surrounding the days they spent together are now sepia-colored and blurry.
This is okay though, it happens with time. Words that were once deafening like ‘love’ and ‘hate’ get muffled by a roaring train, the electric shock of a boy’s knee touching a girl’s passes into a memory of an electric shock as if it were only ever a dream, a dream from weeks ago.
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