Yo, Goldilocks

The letter request:

It’s been a month since I asked my whacky housemate to move out yet he seems to still be here. We are carrying on as though the conversation never happened. I need a letter to give to him as a gentle reminder that our house sharing relationship is over. 

 

The letter:

Dear Brad,

Something funny has been happening around my house lately. I go into the bathroom and the shower is all wet. I say to myself, ‘Someone’s been showering in my bathroom.’ I go into the spare room and find the spare bed disheveled and unmade. I say to myself, ‘Someone’s been sleeping in my spare room.’ I go into the kitchen and I see someone cooking dinner. I say to myself, ‘Someone is making Pasta Arrabiata in my kitchen… after I asked him to move out.’

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Happy YOU Day!

The letter request:

I’d like a Valentine’s Day letter that gently reminds him why he’s so lucky to have me / should love me more / keep loving me forever / give me foot rubs EVERY day.

 

The letter:

Dear Ned, my Beloved Valentine,

Happy YOU Day!

As you read this, imagine me nuzzled in real close beside you. Maybe you’ve got your arm around me and I’m kinda nestled against your sturdy Irish chest all nice and snug like. Yeah, that’s it, that feels real cosy. Now, imagine my elbow, the one closest to you, imagine it digging into your lower ribs. Not so that it hurts – no way I would never hurt you on YOU Day – but just so it gently presses against your flesh in the sweetest way. Feel that? That’s called a nudge.

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